I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
