The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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