we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
cat food counts as protein by the way
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
