this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize