dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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