Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
