I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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