i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
