so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
