I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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