fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
