She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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