I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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