drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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