The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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