we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Are we still banned from the library?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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