i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
