Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
