so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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