dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
