Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
