I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
