You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
