so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
