we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
