school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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