I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
