dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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