i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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