i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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