mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
