Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
