Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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