So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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