you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
