I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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