look no pants
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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