Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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