Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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