Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
