Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
