The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
