You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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