just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
