there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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