Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
