My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
