would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
