She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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