Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
