Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
