You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
