If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
