I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
