should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
