not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
