My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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