Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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