what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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