3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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