dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
