I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
