but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
did i walk over a car last night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
