i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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