I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
