The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
