WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
