The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
