It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
