i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
